It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
