Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
