Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
