Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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