how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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