I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
