If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just high enough for therapy.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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