Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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