I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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