you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
