She said her name was "party"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
