This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
