I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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