wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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