Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
