He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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