Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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