How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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