I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
