She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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