Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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