no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
