My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
