Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
