Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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