If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
