Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
