Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
