The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm bleeding and have questions
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
