on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
