don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize