just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
