But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
