It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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