yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
