It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
