You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
