if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
