hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My hand turned me down
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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