well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
