I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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