You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
