So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
