everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
