yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
