Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
