it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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