sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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