wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
