I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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