WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
