Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
