its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Banned from zoo.
Again?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
