I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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