How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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