I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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