I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
No subtext here. People are naked.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
