drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize