im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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