haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
