Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
