I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
