Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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