It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Who did Billy Mays play for?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
