I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
