He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I am mentally ready for anal.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
