Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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