Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
