Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
