cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
