He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Dicks are not precious.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
