i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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