i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
