meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
honey bunches of taint.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
