i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
