OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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