Nicole vs. Life
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
